i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
