Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
