Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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