I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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