Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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