and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
