is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
