why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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