how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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