Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
