You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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