just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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