I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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