So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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