Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
