Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
