in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
