So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
