I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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