just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
