I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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