I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
