So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
