dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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