So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
