theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
