Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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