Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He passed out mid-signature
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You made out with two different species that night
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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