I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
