You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
