So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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