If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
