how can u be prego again
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
