Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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