I bet he comes in French.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I intend to get homeless drunk
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
last night I used snow as a chaser
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
