You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
