I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
