Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
