Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
