What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
