Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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