Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
last night I used snow as a chaser
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