wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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