Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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