No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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