I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sober January is a disaster.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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