Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
