I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
