Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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