God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
