I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I am mentally ready for anal.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
