you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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