Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
