Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
