I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
