If i come over, it means nothing
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
