Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Too much gin, very little bucket
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
