you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
