Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
