Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
