i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
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