I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
