First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
