My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
