If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
