I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
