besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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