Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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