Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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