Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
