Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
