I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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