low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
