The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
